I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize