I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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