remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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