if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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