Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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