I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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