Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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