There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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