what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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