we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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