I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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