Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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