Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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