i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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