i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I love you. Go after that dick
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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