thus making me awesome and them whores
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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