He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everyone says I win the strip club
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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