I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
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i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize