I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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