That's intense
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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