Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize