New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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