Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize