whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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