I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize