Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize