Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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