Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
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I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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