Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize