addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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