I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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