And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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