So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
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Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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