Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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