I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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