Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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