Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize