I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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