Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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