Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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