You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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