I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Mom said you looked used
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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