Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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