i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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