Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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