the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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