I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize