Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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