The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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