before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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